Don’t ask anyone if they won this trophy, and don’t tell anyone if you did.

The raptors in Jurassic Park were a little scarier, but this one is better at foreplay.

“Hi, Friends!

My name is Tiger. I’m setting off on a world-wide hike because I cheated on my beautiful wife with countless women. You can come too! All you have to do is find me.

I’ve got all I need—golf clubs, condoms and plenty of Ambien!

Wow! What a serach!

Tiger”

via Buzzfeed. (More after the jump.)

Check out his page for more gems.

When it comes to Tiger Woods, the Chinese media knows what’s up. Well, everything except for the minivan.

TeleBrands has really outdone themselves this time. The Potty Putter is a miniature putting set made specifically for use during defecation. As the infomercial so eloquently puts it, “Just aim and shoot…the ball…into the cup.” Combine the Potty Putter with the UroClub, and you’ve got yourself a golf club for every bodily function!

You know you want one, so go ahead and order one right now. (Just remember to wash off the club grip when you’re done.)

(via)

Before you pay for that tie this Father’s Day, answer this question: Can Dad pee in it?

If he can’t, you’re wasting your mulah. Listen, Dad’s not getting any younger, and the older he gets, the more he’ll have to pee every five seconds and the more he’ll appreciate the mind-blowingly dull sport of golf. Show Dad how much you love him by getting him a gift that says, “I understand the changes you’re going through and they’re nothing to be ashamed of.” Get him a golf club he can pee into.

Clearly, the UroClub’s best feature is the little green towel that covers your junk. With that handy rectangular piece of cotton fabric, you go from “degenerate urinating in golf course” to “classy golfer checking out his clubs while standing strangely still.”

Order your UroClub today!

If you’re still not sold on the UroClub (or doubt that it’s real), watch this.